Trademarks

Finger Pointing «Proceed

Half-Smirk «Proceed

The origin of his scar «Proceed

  • If you want to talk to God = makes you and him both see him together because he has nothing better to do
  • If you bully around amish people = ass-kicking, even if it’s not their way
  • If you try to take his picture = rips your brassiere off and strangles you with it
  • If you kill a policeman in a bathroom, then kill his best friend Carter = killed by seeds falling into a tank in a barn, shotgun blast to gut, makes you kill everyone until he says it’s enough and takes your gun away from you
  • If you steal the golden idol, and try to steal his whip = killed in temple. May cause a boulder to chase after him and get chased by hovitos
  • If you try to shoot Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing = shoots both your comrades and blows up your Death Star
  • If all he wants is the girl = faces melted off/head explodes
  • If you try to make him work around the clock = he already works around the clock!
  • If you want the stones = destroys rope bridge and gets you eaten by alligators
  • If you call him “junior” = kills everyone in the room, and then plainly reiterates to you not to call him “junior”. May cause him to get slapped by Sean Connery later on
  • If you don’t tell him where Sean Miller is, he fucking destroys you, with Samuel L. Jackson as backup
  • If you steal Melanie Griffith’s idea = gets you fired, even if you are Ellen Ripley
  • If you accuse him of killing his wife = epic fail. Buses and trains collide, prisoners escape, jumps off dam, men get shot, Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t bargain even if his guy almost get shot in the face, one-armed men get their arms ripped off in the line of duty, doctors get their asses kicked all over rooftops, down elevators, and get metal bars to the face and back. May cause him to get his badge to get ripped off his chest by Julianne Moore
  • If you take over his plane = makes you get off his plane by tying a parachute cord over your neck, even if you are Gary Oldman.
  • If you kidnap his family = kills your partner with a coffee machine, hacks your illegal bank account and makes you lost 40 million, then kicks your ass and finally kills you and the rest of your gang. Unarmed
  • If you invade his town in the 1800s and take all the gold = shoots you in your friggin’ alien head, then helps Daniel Craig to destroy your big interstellar ship.
  • If you try to kidnap him and try to blow his plane later = ass-kicking. May cause you to blow your own pirate ship.
  • If you are a Nazi or you work for them = bitch, please. You are so fucked
  • If you tell him to get back to work = Goes to Central America and builds a machine that makes ice out of fire. Because ice is civilization.